Chapter 50
Chapter 30: Sutton
I went into the woods for a while. I needed space. I needed air. I needed control of my damn life. I pushed my hands through my hair, trying to get my brain to stop spinning with questions. I kept going over things in my head but it was useless. Nothing made sense. So, after about twenty minutes, I gave up and stomped back to the house.
Lucas was waiting, of course, but I waved him off. Telling him I was ready to leave. There was no point waiting around. I’d lost interest in finishing the project for obvious reasons. So, I went upstairs and grabbed the suitcase from the bed. Dragging it downstairs, I pushed past Lucas and his attempt to take it for me.
After putting the case in the backseat of Lucas‘ truck, I climbed into the passenger seat. I crossed my arms over my chest with a huff and waited for him to come out. We were supposed to be leaving until later this evening. So, it was probably rude for me to leave him scrambling, but I was finding it hard to care.
The drive started off quiet. Lucas didn’t seem eager to press me to talk with the mood I was obviously in. Which was fine with me.
It wasn’t long before I started to see signs for Thorncrest. I figured we were still about fifteen minutes away when Lucas pulled off the highway. I was confused when he parked at the back of a grocery store parking lot. Cutting the engine, he turned to me.
“Sutton, are you ready for this?” he asked seriously.
“Lucas,” I sighed in frustration, “I said I would…”
“Don’t humor me, Sutton,” he interjected. “Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. We’ve had the luxury of privacy the last few weeks. Once we reach the packhouse, that will be gone. It’s hectic and full of eyes that will be on you all the time.”
“I know what a packhouse is like, Lucas,” I insisted more aggressively than I meant to.
“That’s why I need an honest answer,” he snapped. “You have been thrown one gut punch after another lately. I can’t tell you what kind of welcome you’ll receive. I won’t let anyone make things harder for you, but I told you – there will be rumors. They won’t always be quiet.”
“What kind of reputation you must have to think your own pack is going to accost a guest in your own packhouse,” I said speculatively. “Maybe you’re the one who’s not ready for people to find out about me? Maybe you’d prefer to keep me your little secret?”
“Damn it, Sutton,” Lucas growled, hitting the steering wheel. “This is what I mean. You’re in no mood to face the pack. I won’t take you into a situation you’re not ready for.”
I huffed, sinking further into my seat. Guilt over my behavior started to creep in. This wasn’t Lucas‘ fault. I relaxed a little. I needed to focus on the task at hand. That was why I decided to come early.
“You’re right,” I said calmly. “About my mood anyway. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, Sutton,” he replied. “You have the right to be upset. To be angry even. I need to know you’re dealing with it. I won’t let you shut me out, Sutton.”
“I’m not shutting you out, Lucas,” I insisted. “And no, I’m not dealing with my mother’s betrayal. Not right now.”
Lucas sighed. “Sutton…”
“She’s dead, Lucas,” I interjected. “Long gone. Whatever reason she had died with her. It’s going to take a long time to reconcile that with the mother I knew. Unfortunately, there are a lot of other more pressing matters I’m currently dealing with at the moment.” I sighed, pushing a hand through my hair. “I can’t deal with it right now, Lucas. Not when I can’t do anything about it. I can’t confront her. I can’t change what she did.”
“You can find out why she did it,” Lucas offered.
“And when we’re done trying to figure out why Anders kept me around as Mason’s punching bag, maybe we can do that,” I commented. “Or after I figure out whether your pack is going to run me out of the territory or not.”
“That won’t happen,” Lucas insisted. “If my concerns have made you think that, then that was stupid of me. I didn’t mean the rumors would be negative. They just would be a lot. A lot of questions. A lot of speculations. It can feel like…”
“Everyone’s eyes are always on you,” I finished. “I told you, Lucas. I know what a packhouse is like. I also know how Alpha Anders slept his way through every eligible she–wolf in his pack. So, yes, your concerns may have created some of my own. I’m not comparing you to him,” I rushed, noticing Lucas tense up. “But he… gave me to Mason because his pack would never accept me. That I wasn’t good enough to be mated to an Alpha. So your worries about rumors make part of me think you believe the same thing.”
His hand went to the nape of my neck. He jerked me toward him, his mouth slamming into mine.
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Chapter 50
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“That couldn’t be further from the truth, baby,” he growled. “You’re fucking perfect.”
I chuckled. “I’m not quite perfect,” I admitted, taking his hand. “But I’m going to try my hardest to be good enough.”
Lucas kissed the back of my hand. “Sutton, if I could have had things my way, I’d have announced our relationship and paraded you through the packhouse the day I found you. I’m ready to make this official.”
“And that would have utterly terrified me,” I replied with a laugh. “I get it, Lucas. I do. And I agreed to come with you because I know you want me here. But that’s what I’m trying to say. You know there’s so much going on. Then there’s a lot more going on in my head about it all. I am dealing with it. And you are helping me. But I need to deal with one thing at a time. Preferably something I can do something about. Like making a good impression with your pack.”
“Our pack,” Lucas corrected.
I smiled. “So, are you okay with tabling this whole mother–poisoning–me thing for right now?”
“You don’t intend on taking the tradition back up, do you?” he asked.
“No, I have no inclination to resume poisoning myself,” I replied.
“Then let’s get you home.”
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