Chapter 58
Chapter 58: Sutton
I slept late the next morning. I woke up to a string of apologetic messages from Tarrah. I hated that the evening ended up being kind of a disaster. I was embarrassed by the way I acted. I sent her a reply but didn’t feel like meeting up with her like she asked. I needed some time to myself. Lucas had been called into another early morning meeting, so I had the opportunity.
I changed into some sweats and turned on the coffee maker. As I waited for it to brew, I closed my eyes. I cleared my mind, thinking of nothing. I was trying to reach my wolf. This was one of the things Lucas suggested to help me.
I was still on edge over the revelation about Lucas‘ past relationships. I wasn’t naïve enough to think he hadn’t been with anyone, but after the Daisy situation, that wasn’t the best way to find out about it. Despite Lucas‘ reassurances of her character, I still didn’t know if I was ready to let go of my animosity just yet.
What I did know was that I wanted to see her face when she found out we were fated mates. I wanted everyone to know we were fated to each other. That he was mine and no one was going to challenge that again. I wanted to announce our relationship.
At least… part of me did. Most of me did. But there was still that one niggling doubt that kept me from telling Lucas I was ready. That doubt that I wasn’t enough. Just because we were fated together didn’t mean I would make a good Luna. That was what mattered to the pack.
But I did know one thing that would help everyone, including myself, feel more confident in me – finding my wolf. If I had a wolf… if I could shift… it would at least prove that I belonged in the pack. I wasn’t some human interloper trying to take Sera’s or some other she–wolf’s place.
So, I cleared my mind. I tried to sense another presence. I stood there as long as I could until… nothing. Nothing happened.
I grunted in frustration before grabbing a mug and making my coffee. This was a process that usually took lycans months, even years, to complete. It wasn’t something that was typically rushed. But I didn’t have that kind of time. I needed to take my place in the pack before Anders came for me.
My phone buzzed on the counter. I sighed and picked it up. It was another message from Tarrah. She still felt really bad about the get–together. I felt bad that she felt bad. She really didn’t need to. It wasn’t her fault. I chewed my lip as I thought about what to do next. I decided to invite her up to the apartment for a little while. Helping me contact my wolf would no doubt help put her mind at ease.
It wasn’t even ten minutes later when the elevator dinged open. Tarrah rushed in and threw her arms around me.
“Sutton, I am so sorry about last night,” she said… again. “I can’t believe Seraphina acted that way. Really, I had no idea she was even coming.”
“Tarrah, it’s okay,” I said. I couldn’t help but laugh. She was so sweet and really was worried about me. “Seriously. It wasn’t your fault at all and honestly, I wouldn’t have made it through the night without you. Even if she hadn’t been there.”
“Really? You’re sure?”
“I’m very sure,” I said. “But… if you still feel guilty, I have something you can help me with that I would be extremely grateful.”
“Anything,” she replied eagerly.
“I need help contacting my wolf,” I told her.
Her face lit up. “Oh, my gosh, I would love to,” she exclaimed. She looked around the apartment. “But you’re not trying to do that here are you? That won’t work.” She hooked her arm in mine. “Come on. I know just the place for you.”
We headed out the back of the estate into the park. I thought she might be bringing me to the clearing Lucas had taken me to last night but we ended up going in a different direction. We ended up at a small creek. There was a fallen tree that made a natural bench near a set of boulders.
“This is more like it,” she said, making herself comfortable on the log. “Remember, our wolves may be a part of us, but they’re wild animals. Nature is where they belong.”
“Of course,” I replied, taking the spot next to her. “I should have thought of that.”
I waited for her to say something else, give me instructions or something, but she just sat quietly. It was new for Tarrah. I followed suit, closing my eyes and clearing my thoughts again. This time, I could hear the water trickling over the stones nearby and the wind through the budding leaves. I felt the smooth surface of the wood beneath me where the bark was missing. Kicking off my shoes, I sought the feel of the earth beneath my feet.
I settled into my surroundings, enjoying the feeling of just being outside. It was something I could never get enough of. Suddenly, I felt something like a whisper at the back of my mind. Like a soft breeze but in my head. I didn’t feel so alone with my thoughts anymore.
I gasped, my eyes flying open when I realized what it was. But the feeling disappeared as soon as I did.
“L… I think I felt her,” I said. “But she’s gone now.”
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Chapter 58
“But it’s a start,” Tarrah said supportively. “My mom told me her wolf was a bit elusive during this stage as well. We don’t see them in our minds until after our first shift. Only hear them. So, she said she started to picture a fog or haze in her head. Kind of giving her wolf a sense of cover. It was silly but it worked. You should give it a try.”
I nodded, taking a deep breath. I focused on getting back to the calm state I’d been in before. This time, I blurred the image in my mind’s eye, letting a fog settle in. I settled in for a while until I was fixated on the whisps of mist floating in my head.
Then I heard it
‘Hello, Sutton.’
– a soft, sultry voice.
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