Chapter 109
Ayla
I awoke this morning to an empty bed. Instead of a warm, alpha Thane, there was a tray. One slice of chocolate cake and a note:
Little Wolf,
Sorry, I had to leave. Some answers have shown up and I need to ask my questions.
Eat this cake, then let me grovel.
-T
I welcomed the sight of the cake. A perfect breakfast I am more than eager to have, but as I study the note, I can’t help by frown and furrow my brow little. I don’t have a name for Thane. He has little wolf, but what if I want to have my own term of endearment? Then the realization hit her that he has had a name for her since meeting her. That put a smile on her face as she sat up in bed and dug into her chocolate cake, feeling the happiest she has ever felt in quite some time.
A long hot bath later, I sat back on the couch and relaxed myself as planned to have some long conversations with Aramana about her white wolf status and my newfound bubble weapon. A shield, Thane had called it, and that is how I used it. Fitting, I sensed inward and reached my wolf, slumbering in her meadow, much like the vision I had when sedated. Can you explain to me the blue shield I used? “The shield is a flow of magic, made by the fates. The white wolves were passed several different gifting types. The blue magic you used is one. You can use it in a variety of ways, depending on what you want to do with it my child, but those intentions are yours alone. You have to decide them; you cannot be told. Only discovered. Do you know why we went many generations without the white wolves being born into our pack? I asked her, the question looming. I have never heard any theories growing up as to why it had not been passed to my father or his siblings. Only a true white wolf is to be the heir of our pack and technically white wolves are to be used as protectors in packs overall.
“The fates must have foreseen a problem in the bloodline. Or the bloodline caused a problem. I don’t know my child.” Well, that answers nothing. My father said nothing about it growing up. I remember much disappointment, a lot of researching, but no answers. “You do have a duty to use your gifting to bless this pack. Our mate needs his luna, and our people need our giftings. The thought of being with Thane as a fated mate was all I needed to be happy. The thought of becoming a luna to this pack fills me full of dread. Who would let a traumatized, broken wolf to lead them, an omega at that. Omegas were to take huge alpha knots and have pups, not lead with
alphas, at least that was what I was taught.
“Our mate needed an omega due to his claim to the alpha of alpha throne. The fates knew that he needed a wolf that could handle his knot, and the fates may have known that it would be up to the two of you to rebirth the white wolf line. Any pup you have could be white. One white wolf in each alpha pack could turn the tides against the disease infesting the packs. The disease to put the women of the pack under their feet. To create trafficking rings. With the alphas answering to Thane, the white wolves would be safe. No alpha would dare challenge him. You will need him to accept his fate, and you accept yours to keep you safe and you pups safe.”
What do you mean safe? I asked her confused, and panic ridden. “If power hungry or evil alphas find out that you are a white wolf, they will come for you. You could be sold, bartered, or traded for power. You could be used as a weapon. Or could be forced into breeding. Only the white wolves kept. Thane can keep you safe, but can he keep you safe from multiple attacks at once? Can you keep yourself safe during that? In wolf form we could try against several alphas, but not several packs of shifters. Depending on the size of the force. Alpha of alphas will change Thane. More strength, power.”
I attempted to process the shit load of stuff she just dropped on me. None of it I had actually thought of. I would doubt T either, but I am not sure. I will need to have a conversation with him or several. If I didn’t think I was ready to be a luna, I am definitely not ready to be a luna over lunas if that is even a thing.
had
I sat in silence with her in this beautiful meadow, taking in her words, picturing these things happening. The bile rising up in me, attempting to force its way out was too much. I bolted from the couch, breaking the mind connections and rushed to empty the contents of my stomach into my toilet. I sat curled up in front of the toilet, my left arm sprawled around the bowl, my left cheek resting on top of my arm, my right hand curled around myself as I was too weak from the panic setting in to lift my head. My head would turn dizzy if I lifted it too long, and I became light sensitive. could feel a heavy weight on my chest, I had difficulty
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Chapter 109.
breathing at times, my breathis becoming fast and shallow. My throat would start to constrict, and I swore I could feel the weight of the world pressing into my back. I came from a family of white wolves, I am a white wolf, yet instead of being a strong, confident,
blessed shifter that could protect others and lead, I am“matize, guilt–ridden omega, barfing her cake up out of fear into the
toilet.
I don’t know how much time went by before I woke up on the bathroom floor. I still hadn’t heard Thane come in, and even though I am not alone, I feel it. I am alone with this pressure, this assignment, this gifting that I didn’t ask for. I am alone with this grief, this guilt that I didn’t ask for. I am alone with these horrible flashbacks and these memories I didn’t ask for. I can fear anxiety fighting with anger coursing through me. I was gifted and chosen yet thrown into a cage and spent the last ten years praying for death. Enduring what no female should. The happiness I felt earlier, he love I felt earlier no longer lingered. All I am feeling is anger and pain. I sink my head between my knees and cry. I just cry
