Chapter 45
Ayla
I went an entire day without seeing Thane. That thought probably wouldn’t have been so unsettling if it wasn’t post the best orgasm of my life. I could have dismissed it as alpha duties, raids, rogues etc., but Cyrus had no answer for me as to why I hadn’t seen Thane all day. As his beta, he would know if there was something pack related keeping Thane away. There wasn’t. Clearly the thing keeping Thane away is himself. Or me for that matter, I shouldn’t have been so stupid. Trust was something I didn’t have the luxury of throwing out. I knew better, but I did it anyway. Could be overreacting? Possibly. But my heart hurts nonetheless. I check my phone and wouldn’t you know. Nothing. Not even a check up on the text. He always sent those. Its blaringly obvious he regrets the night of the run. I can’t let my guard down again.
Now I sit on my couch. Much the same as every day. Except, today Ind myself plotting. Plotting my escape from what? Heartbreak apparently. Looking at the facts, its obvious I can’t just up and leave. I have no where to go. No family left. I am totally alone and completely at the mercy of this pack. I have traded one cage for another. This one is a much better cage, don’t get me wrong, but a cage regardless.
I am currently wearing holes in the carpet from my incessant passing and biting of my nails. I am beyond anxious. I pull out my phone, which now consist of three phone numbers, Thane, Eric, and Cyrus. I should probably get Monica’s as well. I pull up a message and send it to rus.
Me: Can you get me out of my rooms. I feel like I am suffocating here.
Cyrus: Have you asked Thane to take you somewhere? Show you around some more?
Me: No. I don’t really want to see him right now.
Cyrus: Oh so I am the lucky guy that can take you around now? I am glad you trust me Ayla.
Me: I don’t trust you. I don’t trust anyone now. I just need to get out and I need to get out now.
I can feel a ripple in my mental barrier. A slight nudge. Aramana is there I can just barely feel her. If she was here right now, she would take us far away. I bet she could find somewhere we could start over. Or we could just be rogues. The two of us alone. We survived all of my last 10 years. She could survive anything. We wouldn’t even need a pack. A few days on our own and she would have all of the wolf survival skills she would need, not to mention my other skills that come from my type of wolf. A type no one can find out about. The longer I stay here, the higher the likelihood of that happening.
Aramana I need you. I need you so bad right now. I push into my mind, desperate. Please don’t leave me alone anymore. I can’t do this. I can sense her, but I can’t contact her. There is something in the way, I just don’t know what.
I slide down the wall of my bedroom. Hands over my eyes, I feel broken. No, I don’t feel it, I am. I am broken. Messed up beyond repair. Damaged goods that Thane doesn’t want. Nobody wants. My own wolf doesn’t even want me. I am utterly and completely helpless, alone. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t feel this way anymore
Looking across the room into the full length mirror, I should see myself, but I don’t. I see the warden. The disgusting alphas that drugged me and had their way with me. I see me helpless on the table, my traitorous omega body doing things I don’t want it to do. I see myself dragged from my cage, beaten and broken. Spit upon and tormented. They are in my thoughts. Behind my eye lids. I can’t escape the monsters. They own me. They will have me forever. Whether I am caged or not. I will never be free.
A sob racks through my chest, but no tears fall my eyes. They are close. Unfortunately, numbness takes over and I find myself staring, in a catatonic like state, reliving one nightmare after another. This is all my life will ever be.
