Chapter 67
Ayla
Thane has been gone four days. I would be lying if I said I haven’t worried the whole time. I had to message Eric three times to help me with my anxiety in the evenings. I think I am afraid that my true safety net I have felt will be torn to shreds. The first glimmer of safety in ten years and I feel like it is close to crashing down around me. He is strong, and his team are fierce, but the fear remains. Kian has been messaging me every day and stopping by in the evenings. We make small talk. He pretty much just talks about himself, which I am fine with. The less people try to open my trauma box, the better. Tonight, he has invited me to see his bar that he owns in town. I am not terribly keen on the idea of going out around shifters, but he assures me that I will be safe. I also ate a few meals in the mess hall. I am getting pretty good at faking a good front. Pulling off the cool, calm, and collected. Underneath the surface, however, is a constant simmering of fear, guilt, grief. All undealt with. All ready to explode out of me at any moment. I have yet to make any decisions about my wolf. I am pretty sure that reconnecting with her to feel my mate bond is a necessity, because without it, I don’t think I can form anything with Kian. If I can find a way to reconnect and not shift around pack members that would be perfect. I would hate to use my trauma card, but self–preservation is more important at this point. The safety of the pack as well. They may not realize it, but if the people that killed my family knew I was here, they could come as well and hurt innocents trying to prevent me from fulfilling my destiny. One I don’t even want.
When I shifted for the first time, I never had to opportunity to come into, my giftings. I don’t know what they are, if they are still there within Aramana. I know that is the reason they kept poisoning me. They knew I was gifted. I don’t know how anyone found out. My family kept my wolf a secret, vowing to not make it public knowledge until I was old enough to lead. That didn’t happen. Someone saw something and my family paid dearly for it. If I could trade places or give myself up to prevent it all from happening, I would/
The knock on my door takes me out of my flashback hell, and tells me that Kian is here. His cinnamon scent is mixed with something alcoholic. I scrunch up my nose as the smell is trying to bring back a memory I don’t want. Alphas and their liquor. It makes the bad ones do evil things. I answer the door with a nervous smile, and he smiles back, gesturing for me to take my arm in his and walk with him to his car. “I know you are nervous Ayla. I know this is a big step for you and I am proud of you. We will not be gone long. I want you to see my hard work. It also isn’t too busy at this time which will help your nerves.” I smile and pat his forearm. Thankful for the thoughtfulness around the time frame and crowd size. I can’t make a life for myself in my rooms, but I don’t know how to explain to people that I could freak out and break down at any moment. Hopefully, I stay in check tonight.
We drive the short distance into town, and I get out and follow him into his building. The curb appeal is nice. Kind of like a jazz bar type of establishment. It is, however, anything but NOT busy when we get inside. There are shifters everywhere. Couples kissing in corners, a live band playing music in the corner. The lighting is dim, and I am starting to feel claustrophobic. “It is alright Ayla. These are just regulars. They won’t bite.” I take no reassurance from his statement and find myself accessing the area for possible exits. If I have to bolt, I want to know where and how.
