Chapter 78
Ayla
I woke up alone again. This time in my own bed instead of Thane’s. should have expected this. Last night shouldn’t have happened, but a part of me hoped that the morning would have started differently. I would roll over, he would be staring at me, a smile on his face and a mouth declaring endless words of affirmation and affections to me. Now I lay here, alone. It is for the best. My life is a brewing shit storm at the moment. I just want to start over. A normal life. A productive life. One where I am happy and joyful. Smiling and my days full of laughter. Not this constant confusion, hurt, grief and fear. Every decision I make is wrong and just adds to the pile that is already stacked too high. I am my own worst enemy now. What a turn of events. Not seeing Thane today. is exactly what I need. I actually don’t need to see him at all. I need to go to the kitchen and work today. I can’t work every day because Thane made that decision without consulting me, but he is the alpha and I can’t stop whatever stipulations he wrote on the paperwork.
Comforting Thane felt right. The revelation he gave me about his family gave insight to our connection. We are clearly trauma bonded. That bond can be snuffed out. Dissolved over time until we are passing neighbors. Acquaintances. An alpha and a pack member only. Besides he could play around all he wanted with Della and the others begging at his feet. I won’t beg him to be there in the morning. It is time to make some serious choices and figure out what I want out of my life.
I get up to shower and pass the adjoining door. Of course, he left it unlocked. I quickly lock it and decide to myself I should barricade it. Maybe having to remove piles of stuff to go through the door will stop me from making it all the way through. I can give up from the amount of work it would take. But I know that would never work. After hearing Thane last night, I knew he was in distress and acted. I wouldn’t be able to keep myself away if he needed something. I owe him a life debt and that infuriated me. Not because of the debt and what he did himself, but because I know that it only intensifies my feelings for him and right now, I don’t want them. Of course, I acted on my lust as well as he did last night, but this shame spiral and guilt is getting old.
Showering quick, I threw on a tee shirt and jeans, put my hair on top of my head and headed for the door. I soon realized that I was heading to the kitchens alone. I wasn’t relying on others to see me there or be with me. I had a fleet of nervousness pass through me, but then an overwhelming sense of pride. I was doing it. I was alone, going somewhere, without others, and I could do it.
I found June in the kitchen, and she started showing me recipe cards in regard to danishes she wanted to see if I could make. I eat breakfast quick and go to work. Flour, flour, flour and some more later, I was covered in it, but I had spent the last six hours baking danishes and they turned out beautiful. 479 of them to be exact. I would have had more if the help would have stopped eating them. Myself included. My body is sore and it’s just after lunch. I get a quick tray and sit down with Monica to eat. We make small talk; well, she does as I listen. She educates me more on people passing through. I met a few new shifters today. They seem pleasant. My backstory was only brought up once and there were no serious questions asked. Shifters here were really good at making me feel welcome. Well, all but one. Della’s icy glare could have killed me dead as I left the mess hall to head back to my rooms. I have done nothing to this woman, which tells me she is as involved with Thane as the others say. Why else would she hate me so much? I sigh to myself at the implication I am getting played by Thane like a fiddle. He could have pushed for more last night, but he didn’t. Did he find the more with someone else?
