Chapter 24
Whatever happens with Danielle and Oliver Duc’t anything I really care to pay attention to anymage. Their lives are darin, aut mine in here. Mayhe they will now finally leave nor alone altogether.
I have enough on my plate as it is. Which, at this point, is almost nos the fact that, for the first time in four years, in going to her on stage, More HONEY, I’m going on stage as a lear.
I feel like I’ve been doing pretty well, all things considered. Or, maybe, the drama club is doing really well.
Because
cause no matter what I try, Lean’t stop stuttering.
It’s something that’s always bothered me. Apparently, I was stuttering almost immediately as I learned how to speak.
Certain Sa and its always rial uposlithering and molling from my lips. Even when Ekuow the next word I want to say, startinues iny wider stops against my will, Iraving my entences incomplete. If I get fired enough. I’ll just say individual words and hope that gets the print across.
But the thing about being on stage is, well, abridging to that degree could very well change the entire play. It can lead people to misunderstanding or completely missing the message the waiter was trying to portray. Though, of course, with this bring some werewolf fantasy story, the message just seems to be werewolf hot, but whatever.
Anyway, the drama club is doing really well because they’ve, thus far, not expressed any invitation that I keep stuttering over my lines, for, if they do, they at least don’t yell at me for it.
But I’m yelling at me for it. Because my suiter seems to have gotten worse.
you moss–su. Mont. Then what can try. Do What
“That’s the way I sw–a–ser it. Lynus. If you don’t go back. To your pack now, when they need y
they do! Who can they re–rely on!”
I’m on stage with Alex now, doing our final stage practice to try and get accustomed to being here. He’s in his outfit, a torn T–shirt and jeans rippert
at the knees, a worn leather jacket covering labs shoulders. And Frn in a nurse cutit, like, the scrubs an actual nurse would wear
The club president claps his hands together twine to get our attration.
“Alright, okay work. Cynthia, great line recall. Though, is it possible to do something to lessen the stuttering?”
“Uhm.I can try to sss–speak slower)”
“Then, let’s try repeating the lines with yo
you doing
at, alright
“Ahh..okay..”
“Alright, repeat the last line, in character.”
He clapped twice again before sitting down. While the drama teacher has been out on maternity leave, he’s been the one taking the most care of everything. But she’ll be coming back for the performance, so everyone wants it to be perfect.
I want it to be perfect, too, though I know that can’t happen. Perfection is unattainalde. That doesn’t mean we can’t try
I breathe in deeply and try again, hingers clenching the front of my scrubs.
“That’s the way I see it-
My
voice cuts out. A forced pause. The eyes from the surveying g club members start to drill into my sk
I ynus, if you don’t.”
Again
If you don’t go back to your pack now, when they need you most.
There’s no point in trying to correct it. I’m not even sure if I can.
Is out my throat.
rying to shove the next words
I open my mouth, trying to
But instead, all that comes out is a wheeze
d
Chapter 21
olor not come back out, and I find my clicking tank in
“Hey, we’ll take live”
y flacoat close uge, and my eyes shoot wide, realizing I can Charater But before I can drugs, Alra in dupe, darlding aor Teven
As we stumble off. I distantly hear somener say something about disaster. But it’s hard to tell what my can start ringing Think I bear one sort of deep, rumbling growl, trei, last Tirtant curr
Tim isdried into a dark room I crumple to the ground and
My
y fingers clench my top, over my che
My lungs krej spurrzing
Nothing’s cooning in
Samirneir’s saying something
I’ms paidled up from may crouching position.
Someone langs me
Frant barathe, let my nose is working
It fills with the went of pine.
After a few minutes of hearing Alex’s heartbeat, I finally calm down. I h
the heart to feel endarrassed by that.
“What lupprord? Do you want to talk about it?” he asks
recognized that he’d been making un sede toe ule a bit, but I don’t have
I’m tempted to shake my head and just ignore everything But I’ve gone and dragged him into my mess. It would be unfair to close him out
Tim going
I keep my gave down at my knees.
“I’m going to fail, Alex. I’m going to be bad.
- This was a bad idea?
Leaning away from him, I look up and ser his concerned guze seancing mine,
*) shouldn’t have us signed up to do this. I’m gonna be really bad. I can’t even get ilirer–through practice without fucking up, suso how —”
“Did you know that I used to stack at hockey?”
I pause, blinking at him
He weides down, getting off his knees and sitting on the floor in front of me with his legs crossed,
“I was super freakin‘ bad at it. Like, skating Thut part came ravy. But actually learning how to move the stick, learning and following the rules well, you already know I’m not good at following rules, so…”
~” He slirigs. “Still, it took me a lot to actually get good at the game. But the thing that got me
His eyes trad up to the ceiling as he tries to think.
“I think the thing that got mar into it was the teamwork. I mean, rules! Bich. But I like people. I like working with people, talking with them, creating tängs with them, y’know! So when I really started thinking about the teamwork rather than the rules, I started getting better at the game. Now.
ven tanigh 1 piss off my coach sometimes, I’m still the captain for a reason.”
He Jeans back, putting his hands on the floor for support.
The mayler what you need now
change in perspective. Something
ng that helps you shift your thoughts from whatever you see the stage as now to
Chapter 21
something that’ll be more comfortable. Or, like, whatever it is that’s bothering you. So I guess I’ll ask that. What bothers you most about being our
It doesn’t take me long to think of the answer.
“L_don’t like to be judged. Don’t want to be, Cause it
I’m not good at this.”
But the
“Eh, I wouldn’t say that,” Alex scratches at his cheek. “Tim still having a bit of trouble remembering lines, but you’ve got them down for sure. judging part I mean. You used to enjoy bring on stage. So why are you afraid of judgement now!”
Many reasons
Because the more I stand out, the more I’m seen. That draws attention to me. That makes me a target.
That
allows others to find and hurt me,
I say none of this to him, so he continues.
“Then how about what did you enjoy most about it?”
That’s also quite easy to answer.
“Fun! Right. So. Do you think the folks in the crowd are there to judge you or just have fun!”
“People alwaysss judge otherrr–s,” I grumble.
“That didn’t stop us from doing what we are now, y’know. In fact, that fueled it. So, maybe..could you think of this play like our teamwork thing?”
He shrugs again, like it’s simple.
“Different stage, same skillset.
