Chapter 6: The Past Resurfaces
That night Jake called me.
“I passed your number to Alex. He’s a really great guy–give him a chance.” “Great?” I stared out the window at the full moon, so bright it looked like a harsh
white bulb against the night sky.
“Absolutely. You have no idea how popular this guy is. He gets breakfast delivered by different women every morning.”
“Plus he’s got an eight–pack. Works out every day. Didn’t you always say you like guys with abs? You were always asking me to flex for pictures.”
“Oh, and he’s never had a serious girlfriend. Still a virgin, actually. No baggage, guaranteed.”
He kept going on about Alex, as if terrified I might not like him and would keep hanging around Jake instead.
My heart felt like it was being wrung out, twisted and squeezed until it bled.
The tears that wouldn’t come earlier finally spilled over.
I didn’t dare speak, afraid he’d hear the thickness in my voice.
But Jake heard it anyway.
He sighed. “Autumn, I really do just see you as a friend.”
“Stop wasting your time on me.”
My heart, already at its breaking point, shattered completely.
So he knew.
He’d known all along that I loved him.
In that suffocating agony, I shakily lit a cigarette.
Cigarettes really were magical–the pain that had felt fatal just moments ago began to dull under nicotine’s influence,
Loving him was a hopeless journey. I’d climbed mountains and crossed rivers, dragging myself forward year after year, never seeming to reach any destination. Maybe it was time to stop, to go no further.
“Fine,” I heard myself say, my voice sounding distant, like it belonged to someone
else.
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“I’ll call him.”
After finishing that cigarette, I decided to give up on Jake completely.