Now that I think about it 54

Posted by adminh, ? Views, Released on February 18, 2025

“I wish I could come with you,” he said. “I know it sounds crazy, but the few moments we’ve managed to have together seem so perfect.”

All I could manage was a smile. I didn’t have the heart to say anything else, so I decided to charge the conversation and ask him about his childhood.

Chris was just so proper. Being an only child, he was practically raised by the help since his parents were rarely ever around. They were both very powerful attorneys, so they never really had time for him when he was young

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He attended a boarding school early on, and he had only a close group of friends. On weekends, he would play golf with his friends or go to Stamford Bridge to watch Chelsea play a game. He was allergic to blueberries, and he had a fixed routine for his routine, whether it came to food, work or exercise.

He was the perfect guy for most women. It didn’t make any sense that I didn’t feel some sort of attraction towards him. But no matter what I did, I just couldn’t feel anything for him.

Was there something wrong with me?

That had to be the case. Maybe being with Marcus had fucked me up so much that I couldn’t even feel attracted to any guy again. Maybe something had been destroyed in my head by him, and there was nothing I could do to ever

fix it.

That thought remained with me long after we separated, and I returned home wondering if I would ever be whole again. A part of me had been shattered by Marcus, and he had stolen something from me that I would never recover. I thought about that even as I continued to pack, and I tried to figure out if there was a way around this. Could I actually fix this? Or would it remain with me forever?

Chris should be the perfect guy for me. He was smart, sweet, funny, caring and so easy to be around. He knew exactly what to say and when to say it, and he knew exactly how to make me laugh. Surely that should be enough to make me stop dragging my feet and give him a chance.

But opening myself up to someone again would be almost impossible. I’d gone through the process before, and fook how it turned out. I couldn’t open myself up to someone again, when there was a possibility that I would get hurt again.

I thought about Marcus and Emily once again, and I wondered what they must be going through right now. A miscarriage was a brutal thing to experience, and I had gone through that cycle six times with Marcus. The last time I realized I was pregnant, I didn’t even let him know that I was pregnant. After the last incident where he came home drunk and decided that it would be the perfect time to lay his hands on me, I realised I’d had enough. I lost the baby the very next day, and that was the last straw. I started taking birth control pills, because it was just too painful to know that I was pregnant, only to lose it soon afterwards because my husband loved beating me up.

I had no doubt that he had beaten up Emily. I’d seen the pictures, and the bruises all over her body were evidence enough. I knew the trauma of having an abusive husband, and not being able to do anything about it.

He was a monster, and I was glad I’d escaped him finally.

But he’d left his mark on me, and I knew I would carry those scars for the rest of my life. Maybe that was why I thought I saw someone like him. Maybe that was why I couldn’t let go of the past. The scars were still there, and they would always be there. I truly believed in that moment that I would never be able to recover from that. That was the last thought on my head before I fell asleep.