Chapter 42
His words sent a ripple through me, but this time, it was not fear. It was hope. Because even after everything, Ryan was still here, waiting for me.!!
And as I looked into his eyes, I finally understood what I wanted.
Yesterday, after learning about Leo’s death and the horrific truth of Ethan’s countless crimes, I was engulfed by a crippling fear that refused to leave me. It wrapped itself around my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs until I could not breathe.
I could not eat, nor sleep. I could barely think without feeling my hands tremble. The weight of everything crashed down on me,
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pressing against my ribs like an iron cage.
Ryan did everything he could to comfort me. He brought me tea, held me through the nights when I woke up screaming from nightmares, whispered reassurances until his voice went hoarse.
But even his warmth, his presence, could not keep the darkness away.
He could see I was unraveling. That the pieces of me were scattering like broken glass, each shard cutting me from the inside. “Jocelyn, you’ve been through hell,” Ryan said that morning, his eyes filled with pain and determination. “You’ve been so strong, but… this isn’t something you should handle alone.!
“I think… I think you should talk to someone. Someone who can help you sort through everything.”
“You mean therapy?” I whispered, my voice barely audible.
“Yes,” he admitted. “I can hold you as long as you need, but this goes beyond what I can do. You need to heal, Jocelyn. Not just from what Ethan did, but from everything.“”
Previously, with Leo, I could still endure the pain. I had convinced myself that leaving him would end all the suffering. I believed that once I walked away, I would never have to face him again.
Even when Leo chased me, I thought Ryan’s protection was enough to shield me from whatever damage Leo tried to cause.
But Ethan… Ethan was different. His manipulations, his twisted truths, and the horrific childhood memories he brought back clashed within me like a storm. All the pieces of my shattered past forced to the surface at once.
If only Ethan had never appeared, perhaps the memory of him killing the cat would have been buried in the darkest corners of my mind, forgotten forever.
But his return was not just a nightmare for me. His existence shook both my family and the Donovan family to their core. The pain he left behind did not only scar me but also Ryan’s parents, who had spent years hiding the truth.
And Leo’s death… it was the final blow. Witnessing his life slipping away in front of me, drenched in blood as he protected me to the very end, broke something inside of me. It was too much to bear in a single night.
The only people I could find solace with were my mother, the Donovans, and Ryan. And even then, I could not handle being touched by anyone else.}
The thought of someone else’s skin against mine made my body tremble, as if my own flesh no longer trusted the world around me.
Even when I pushed myself to be close to Ryan, my body would react before my mind could control it. I would flinch, tremble, sometimes even break down completely.
Ryan never pressured me. He only held me when I allowed it, his touch gentle and reassuring, as if he knew that too much too soon would only shatter me further.
Ryan had been honest with me about his own struggles. How this incident had reopened old wounds he thought he had healed.
A year ago, he had been declared cured of his PTSD, but trauma, as I was quickly learning, never truly disappeared. It only lay dormant until something brought it back to life.
Ryan’s confession left me speechless. But then he smiled, his eyes filled with a tenderness. “I’ll heal you. We’ll do this together. No matter how long it takes, you’re not alone in this.”
He promised to stay by my side, guiding me through the darkness. But he did not push me.
Instead, he encouraged me to choose my own path forward, to decide what I wanted for myself and for my future.
Still, I asked in fear, “But, what if it needed many years to heal, Ryan?”
“I’ll be here, no matter what,” Ryan said, his words heavy with conviction. “Even if you need years to feel like yourself again, I’ll wait. All I care about is that you get better. That you’re happy.”
His patience and understanding were like a balm to my wounded soul. But the road to healing would not be easy.
Ryan and I had been scarred deeply, both of us fighting our own battles. But if we wanted to move forward, we needed to heal.§
So, I agreed. I agreed to go to therapy, to confront everything I had buried deep inside, to unravel the knots of pain that kept me
paralyzed. Because if Ryan could face his darkness for me, then I could face mine for him.
Together, we took a step back from public life, choosing to focus on our mental well–being instead.
We promised to be open about our traumas, to support one another through every breakdown, every nightmare, and every doubt.
This was our beginning. A new chapter where healing was the only way forward. And with Ryan by my side, I was willing to fight for
