Chapter 430
I began attending therapy, confronting my fear of touch and the overwhelming trauma caused by Ethan’s obsessive behavior. The nightmares, the paralyzing anxiety, the flashes of blood and pain–they all needed to be addressed before I could truly heal.} The psychologist Ryan suggested was a kind–eyed woman named Dr. Carter, whose soothing voice and calm demeanor made me feel safe from the very first session.
The room where we met was painted in soft shades of blue and white, the furniture plush and inviting, designed to ease the nerves of anyone who walked through her door.
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The room where we met was painted in soft shades of blue and white, the furniture plush and inviting, designed to ease the nerves of anyone who walked through her doors
Jocelyn, trauma can leave deep wounds,” Dr. Carter said gently as I sat curled up on the couch, my fingers twisting the fabric of my
dress:@
“But it’s important to remember that healing isn’t about erasing those wounds. It’s about learning to live with them, to understand them, and to reclaim the power they’ve taken from you”
“How do I do that?” I asked, my voice trembling. “Every time I close my eyes, it feels like he’s still there Like I’m still tied up and powerless ”
“It will take time,” Dr. Carter assured me “But we’ll work on it together. One step at a time.
“Today, let’s start by talking about your boundaries. And how we can gradually help you feel safe in your own skin again”
Ryan accompanied me to every session, his presence a constant anchor Sometimes, we underwent therapy on the same day, guided by separate therapists but sharing the same goal–healing N
We were taught techniques to manage panic attacks, breathing exercises to regain control when fear threatened to consume us. When the therapist suggested exercises to gradually reintroduce touch, Ryan’s voice was steady but gentle, “Jocelyn, we’ll go at your pace. No matter how slow. Just know that I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere“)
It was a process. A slow, painstaking process.N
At first, I could not even bear to sleep alone. The darkness was too consuming, the silence too heavy Ryan always stayed by my side, keeping me company until sleep finally took me
Ryan’s presence was my comfort. His voice reading softly from a book, his gentle humming of a song that pulled me away from my nightmares. His hand holding mine, his thumb brushing over my knuckles in slow, reassuring circles,
Weeks turned into months, and slowly, I began to reclaim the parts of myself I had lost)
I had started to accept touch from other people, as long as I trusted them completely. I no longer flinched when Ryan’s hand found mine. I did not stiffen when he hugged me, his arms warm and protective
One night, as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, I felt the emptiness of the room press down on me. The loneliness felt wrong.
I needed him. Not out of desperation or fear, but because his presence brought me peace
I left my bed and walked to Ryan’s room, knocking softly before gently pushing the door open
He had just finished showering and was about to lie down when he saw me enter. His expression immediately brightened as he greeted me, “Jocelyn.”
“I can’t sleep,” I admitted, my cheeks flushing slightly. “But not because I’m scared. I just.. I can’t sleep if you’re not there.“W
His expression softened, the worry easing from his features as he stood and approached me. “Are you sure?”
I nodded, swallowing down my nerves, “I feel safe when you’re with me. So…can Isleep here again?“)
Ryan’s arms wrapped around me, his embrace steady and warm: “Of course. You never have to ask “W
From that night on, we slept in the same bed again, my body curled against his like it belonged there. My nightmares gradually faded, replaced by the steady rhythm of Ryan’s heartbeat lulling me to sleep.
I became so accustomed to sleeping beside him that I could not rest unless I was in his arms. It was as if, in my journey to heal, I had grown attached to him all over again. Maybe even more deeply than before.
Ryan never complained Instead, he simply held me closer, his voice a gentle murmur of sweet reassurances, as if comforting me through each small yet meaningful step of my healing process.
“You must have suffered a lot back then,” I whispered, my voice wavering with quilt and sorrow.
It had been a month since I began therapy, but the pain still lingered. I could not even imagine how much Ryan must have endured over the past ten years.
“Not really,” Ryan replied, his tone light yet shadowed with old pain. “The reason why it took me so long to get better was because I didn’t follow therapy regularly.
“Sometimes I was in denial, convincing myself I was fine. I thought I could bury the pain and pretend it never existed. But it turned out I wasn’t fully healed.“N
His fingers tightened around mine. “I only started undergoing regular therapy after I was sure it would bring you back to me, Jocelyn. That hope, that possibility… it was what pushed me to keep going.”
I looked at him with wide, tear–filled eyes. “Am I one of your reasons?“W
Ryan nodded, his gaze softening. “My biggest reason. You know, sometimes a soulmate has to be forced because being picked up isn’t enough. So, I forced myself to be a soulmate with you and pushed you to follow all my wishes so that you would be mine.
“But in doing so, I hurt you instead. I pushed you away when all I wanted was to protect you.” His voice cracked, the regret woven through his words slicing through me. “I’m sorry, Jocelyn. I truly am.“)
I shook my head fiercely, my fingers curling around his hand as if he might disappear if I did not hold on tight enough. “It’s not you who hurt me, Ryan. You saved me.
“You were the one who helped me when I thought everything was lost. Please push me harder, because it’s only been a month and I already feel like giving up.”
Ryan chuckled softly, his laughter a balm against the rawness of my emotions. “All right, then. Next time you cry before therapy, I’ll carry you in by force.”
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who hurt me, Ryan. You saved me.
“You were the one who helped me when I thought everything was lost. Please push me harder, because it’s only been a month and I already feel like giving up.”
Ryan chuckled softly, his laughter a balm against the rawness of my emotions. “All right, then. Next time you cry before therapy, I’ll carry you in by force.”
“Sure,” I replied, a faint giggle escaping my lips.
The heaviness in my chest eased, replaced by a fragile but growing warmth. Ryan’s presence was the antidote to my fear, his unwavering support of the light guiding me through the darkness.
And as his fingers intertwined with mine, I found myself clinging to that light with everything I had.§
You Wanted Her Solleft
