Chapter 44
“Can I know your trauma story for the past ten years? When I asked Dr. Carter, he said I had to get your permission,” I asked, my voice soft yet curious.§
Ryan chuckled and pulled me closer. “Well, tonight, instead of reading you a book to get you to sleep. I’m going to tell you my story.” His fingers gently traced my hair, his touch both soothing and reassuring..
I looked at him, my eyes wide with anticipation. “I’m listening.”
Ryan took a deep breath, his gaze distant as if revisiting old memories. “You know, I always knew I had a twin, but my parents never let me play with him. I always played with my nanny and you.“N
I couldn’t help but smile as Ryan poked my nose affectionately. “Even back then, you were always around me,” I said softly.
He smiled, but it quickly faded as he continued. “When I was twelve, I figured out a way to see Ethan secretly every weekend. At that time, I had no idea why we were separated. Even for the few weeks I played with him, we felt very close. He was my brother, after all. And he seemed… so lonely.”
Ryan’s voice grew tight, his expression strained. “One day, he asked me to bring him a cat because he said he was lonely. So, I bought him a small kitty because it was easy to carry. But it turned out he brought it outside and you saw it.
“But I did not know about it since our parents hid it from us. So, when Ethan told me the nanny who delivered his food killed it, I just
believed him.§
“He kept asking me to bring him more animals, and it always ended the same. Dead. Until he finally admitted it was him killing them. But he wanted me to do it too. To be like him.” Ryan’s voice broke, and his hand trembled slightly.
I squeezed his hand, my heart aching for him. “Ryan….”
He looked at me, eyes haunted. “The worst day was when I brought him a puppy. I was fifteen. Ethan demanded that I kill it to prove I wasn’t weak. When I refused, he hit me. Strangled me. Said I was a coward who deserved to be punished.”
Ryan swallowed. His Adam’s apple bobbing as he tried to suppress the pain of his own words. “The rest… it’s like my mom explained to you.”
I could not hold back my tears, the horror of his childhood now laid bare before me.
Ryan seemed to notice my choked expression and stroked my hair tenderly, his gaze filled with concern. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s all in the past. I only told you because you deserve to know. And maybe, just maybe, sharing it with you will help me heal too.”
“The day I met you again, picking you up at the airport, I thought I was fine,” he admitted, his voice low and strained. “I thought I had conquered my demons. But Ethan… the way he twisted everything, it brought it all back. The nightmares, the panic attacks… I’m not as strong as you think I am, Jocelyn.”
I reached for his hand, entwining our fingers in a desperate plea for comfort. “You’ve been strong enough to stay with me through all of this. That’s more than enough, Ryan. You’re not weak for struggling. You’re strong for trying.”
His shoulders eased, his gaze softening. “Thank you. You’ve been amazing all this time, Jocelyn. Sorry for involving you in this mess ever since we were little.”!!
I shook my head firmly. “Besides, my past wasn’t just full of trauma. It was also full of happy memories. Like the times we played together, the days you cheered me up when I cried, and the silly games we made up. Those memories calm me down whenever I have therapy.”
“Really?” Ryan’s eyes brightened, his expression filled with hope.N
“Yeah. Even during the worst times, I never forgot the good ones. They always brought me back to you.”
He chuckled softly, the sound of his laughter like music to my ears. “Then how about tomorrow, we watch the recordings from when we were little? I heard Mom kept them well.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Sure. That sounds perfect.”
Ryan pulled me into his arms, his warmth surrounding me like a protective shield. I nuzzled against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath my cheek.
We drifted off to sleep like that, tangled in each other’s embrace, the past slowly releasing its hold on us. And for the first time in a long while, I felt like we were both truly healing.
The next day, Ryan had kept his promise.
3:44 PM N
