Chapter 45
Ryan led me to his private room where he had stacks of old photo albums and dusty videotapes like forgotten treasures. A projector was already set up, flickering softly in the dim light.
“Wow, your mom really kept everything,” I said, staring at the boxes of memories piled around us.
Ryan chuckled, his expression both nostalgic and tender. “Yeah, she’s sentimental like that. I guess she wanted to hold onto the good memories, no matter what happened.”
He inserted a tape into the projector and pressed play. The screen came alive with images of our childhood. Two little kids running across a garden, laughter echoing through the air.
“That’s us,” Ryan pointed, his gaze softening as he watched the small version of himself chasing me around the flowerbeds.
“I was so chubby,” I giggled, unable to stop myself from smiling. “And you were such a show–off, always trying to impress me with your cartwheels.“8
“I wasn’t trying to impress you. I was making sure you wouldn’t cry when you scraped your knee for the millionth time,” Ryan retorted, but the playful glint in his eyes betrayed his words.
“Oh really? So you weren’t trying to be my knight in shining armor?” I teased.
He shrugged, feigning innocence. “Maybe a little.”
We continued watching, lost in the fragments of our shared past. A clip came on where I was sitting on the swing, pouting while Ryan tried to push me higher.
“Come on, Jocelyn! You’re supposed to fly like a princess!” Ryan’s younger self exclaimed, determination etched on his tiny face.
“But I’m scared!” little me whined, clutching the ropes with all my might.
“Don’t worry, I’m here. I won’t let you fall,” Ryan’s voice was so genuine, so full of promise, that I felt a lump form in my throat. “You were always trying to protect me, even back then,” I said softly, turning to look at him. “No wonder you did all those crazy things to keep me safe from Ethan. You never wanted me to stop smiling, did you?”
Ryan’s gaze met mine, his expression vulnerable yet resolute. “I saw how happy you were when we played together. When you smiled…it was like everything was okay. And I couldn’t let anything take that away from you, Jocelyn. Not then, not now.”
My chest tightened with a mixture of gratitude and affection. “You never gave up on me. Even when I pushed you away.“!!
“That’s because I couldn’t bear to lose you. Not to Ethan, not to anyone.” His voice was thick with emotion. “I’ve been trying to protect your smile all this time, because it was the only thing that kept me going. Through therapy, through the nightmares… knowing you were happy made everything worth it.”
I blinked away the tears stinging my eyes. “And I’ve been so focused on trying to heal myself that I didn’t realize you were healing me all along. Just by being you.”
Ryan’s hand found mine, his fingers warm and strong. “We’re healing each other. It’s not just you or me. It’s us.”
The projector continued playing, showing us the fragments of our childhood woven together by laughter and care.
“Remember this one?” Ryan pointed to the screen where we were sitting under a tree, him feeding me ice cream after I’d dropped
mine.!
“You gave me your cone even though you hadn’t even taken a bite of it yet,” I murmured, my lips curving into a smile. “You’ve always been selfless, Ryan.”
“And you’ve always been stubborn,” he countered with a grin. “But that’s what I love about you. Your determination. Your strength.”
“I didn’t feel strong when I was running away from everything. From Leo, from Ethan, from… my own trauma.” I lowered my gaze, my fingers clinging to his.
“But you faced it,” Ryan replied firmly. “And you’re still here, fighting. That’s what makes you strong, Jocelyn. That’s what makes you… you.”
We sat there for hours, sifting through photographs and watching old videos, our childhoods replaying before our eyes. And as the sun began to set outside, I realized something.
This wasn’t just about healing the wounds Ethan had left behind. It was about reclaiming the joy that had always been there. The happiness Ryan had fought so hard to protect.}
And maybe, just maybe, it was time for me to protect his happiness too.
